Words by Julie - Living Life With Paralysis

There’s no way to stop it from spinning

Last night I spent about an hour and a half laying in bed waiting to fall back asleep. You know that middle of the night, head spinning, craving sleep time of night? I wrote a lot (in my head) and much of it was quite good – but of course, is long gone by now. It’s unfortunate that we can’t yet capture what goes on in the brain without it being spoken or written. I’d have authored many books by now.

Some of that time was devoted to what happened this past week – lots of km on my Mazda  – KW for family, TO for SCI focus group and London for therapy and book research. I was also  looking ahead to next week. Meeting Monday, speaking engagements at Western Tuesday/Wednesday and in Listowel Thursday. The spaghetti dinner Thursday is hosted by the North Perth Community of Character. Community of Character Dinner Ages ago they got in touch with me, asking if I’d like to speak at their event. At the time I didn’t know that I would be doing public speaking – I’m glad I said yes because they have spurred me on to share my experiences.

But back to Monday. After reading the 88 pages of agendas, minutes and reports for my Monday morning meeting, I felt that there had to be a way to be more efficient. For more to get done, involving less people and less time. Ella was beside me, occasionally looking at what I was reading. She was pretty dumbfounded when she realized that life is just like school. Being a part of a committee is just like group work at school, the majority of the work being completed by few, but all taking credit for the results.  Doing something just for the sake of saying its been done rather than doing it to see results?  Quite frustrating.

But where does one go to rid the inefficiencies of the system? I don’t know. So that is what my head was doing last night, creating a not-for-profit consulting/advising based firm. Where clients can turn for results and inefficiencies do not exist. Sounds good, right?  It’s got to be possible?

I know I’m being vague, and I apologize for that, but it’s for a reason.

In my head I was also writing blogs, book intros, newspaper articles and speeches. All of which (of course) are lost to me now. How does one shut down a spinning brain? I need to learn how. It seems to be getting worse; sleep evades me many nights.

If I were on my own I would have turned on my light and chosen something to read from beside my bed. A stack that keeps growing, rather than shrinking.  Maybe I’ll skip my meeting and do some reading instead? But then how could I work to change things from within? Feeling lost, wanting to hide but so many commitments that I have made – I can’t back out now.





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