My social worker says that tears are therapeutic. That the chemicals released when you cry have a positive influence on the brain by relieving stress and elevating mood. Maybe that explains why I am such a positive person, because I cry so much? Just so we are clear, I cried a lot even before my accident. Example: I cry at Bell commercials. Remember the ones from some years ago? Where the teenaged boy is standing on Juno Beach and he calls his grandfather and says “Hi Grandpa, I just called to say THANKS”. Yes, when ever that one came on the TV, I cried.
I have been crying a lot these past four weeks. And not all of it has been a pity party (even though some most definitely is). A lot of my tears come from a place of gratitude. Knowing that so many people are thinking about me, wishing me well, praying for me and offering help. Hugs make me cry, I wonder if it is out of relief? That someone is here to help me greve a little bit, and help me pass some time – time that at this point seems endless because I have no discharge date. People who are making plans to spread the Share the Road message and coordinate a fundraiser for me also make me cry.
Talking to my parents makes me cry. Because they are so stuck, wishing there was something they could do to help. And I just wish that they could know that being with me, holding my hand and spending time with my kids is helping. Thinking about the future makes me cry. I can hear the nurses outside our door laughing and enjoying each others company. I will not be teaching this year, and I will miss all the laughing that we do everyday together, me, Julie and my Science Boys. Being outside and having the sun on my face makes me cry because I miss that feeling so much and it feels so precious.
I have an endless supply of tears and I never seem to know when they will spill over. I cried today at the end of OT. I am not sure what it was that Gary said, something about what I needed to do so I would be ready to go home. He was being kind and helpful. And there they were, just springing from my eyes. More tears. Maybe tomorrow I will be less stressed and more elevated from today’s tears? Let’s hope so.