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Words by Julie - Living Life With Paralysis

Tears 7

My social worker says that tears are therapeutic. That the chemicals released when you cry have a positive influence on the brain by relieving stress and elevating mood. Maybe that explains why I am such a positive person, because I cry so much? Just so we are clear, I cried a lot even before my accident. Example: I cry at Bell commercials. Remember the ones from some years ago? Where the teenaged boy is standing on Juno Beach and he calls his grandfather and says “Hi Grandpa, I just called to say THANKS”. Yes, when ever that one came on the TV, I cried.

I have been crying a lot these past four weeks. And not all of it has been a pity party (even though some most definitely is). A lot of my tears come from a place of gratitude. Knowing that so many people are thinking about me, wishing me well, praying for me and offering help. Hugs make me cry, I wonder if it is out of relief? That someone is here to help me greve a little bit, and help me pass some time – time that at this point seems endless because I have no discharge date. People who are making plans to spread the Share the Road message and coordinate a fundraiser for me also make me cry.

Talking to my parents makes me cry. Because they are so stuck, wishing there was something they could do to help. And I just wish that they could know that being with me, holding my hand and spending time with my kids is helping. Thinking about the future makes me cry. I can hear the nurses outside our door laughing and enjoying each others company. I will not be teaching this year, and I will miss all the laughing that we do everyday together, me, Julie and my Science Boys. Being outside and having the sun on my face makes me cry because I miss that feeling so much and it feels so precious.

I have an endless supply of tears and I never seem to know when they will spill over. I cried today at the end of OT. I am not sure what it was that Gary said, something about what I needed to do so I would be ready to go home. He was being kind and helpful. And there they were, just springing from my eyes. More tears. Maybe tomorrow I will be less stressed and more elevated from today’s tears? Let’s hope so.

7 comments

  • I also cry at the drop of a hat. I remember crying at the end of babysitters club movie one time. I was watching it with Becky when she was little and I was babysitting her! Her and her sisters were wondering what the heck was wrong with me. It's just me, that's how I am. I also laugh pretty easily – life is about balance I guess.

  • Ernest Dow says:

    Thank God for tears — sign of a healthy heart! Sorry you won't be teaching this year – your loss AND the students'… Am sure you will be doing much learning nonetheless, in unrelated fields, to enrich your life and share with others down the road.

  • T.L. Hipfner says:

    Julie – reading your posts makes me cry every day; although you are feeling low and faced with this tremendous challenge, you continue to amaze and inspire me. Your strength, your spirit, your humour, your honesty … never forget how many people are thinking of you, loving you, and praying for you (including me) xo.

  • Linda says:

    We are crying for you everyday too. When you need to cry, cry. I know we'll have to manage the school year without you but please know that from the minute school starts, until the final bell, you will be thought of and prayed for.

  • Julie, you are doing a wonderful job helping us to understand your journey, your triumphs and your struggles. Keep writing. You are in our thoughts.

  • VinceL says:

    I cried when I read the initial news story about your accident, and when I posted about you to my Facebook network in a plea for attentive driving. Sure some was for myself and my own fears as a veteran cycle commuter. But also for the shock, grief, and change so violently thrust on you and your family. Keep crying, Julie, whenever you need.

  • VinceL says:

    I cried when I read the initial news story about your accident, and when I posted about you to my Facebook network in a plea for attentive driving. Sure some was for myself and my own fears as a veteran cycle commuter. But also for the shock, grief, and change so violently thrust on you and your family. Keep crying, Julie, whenever you need.

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